(you can read “the signs that point to a manipulator I” here)
5. he doesn’t cope well with criticism
He loves himself and you have to love him too. Absolutely. Without any reserve.
The tiniest hint to a critic will be met by veiled hostility or better yet, if he can afford it, full blast war.
To a manipulator the Pope isn’t the only one to be infallible.
6. he doesn’t take any responsibility
And this goes with the precedent trait as whipped cream goes with strawberries.
The narcissist is never responsible for anything.
It’s always someone else’s fault. And so, you don’t have the right to criticize him. Or to judge him, lèse-majesté crime that should be punished this time, with whipping and no cream.
The ego, again, protects its human from any psychological emotion that would have him suffer or would weaken him when he’s fighting in the mud.
Responsibility could lead to doubt and a sense of culpability. Which in turn could have you feel bad and hesitate before hitting the adversary.
On the contrary, taking responsibility for our actions is what enables us, generous people, to admit to our mistakes and get better in the process.
No worry then: the manipulator is already perfect.
7. he acts or speaks in bad faith
Consequence of the previous point.
And to the manipulator, it’s a tennis game to hit the ball back in the other’s field. It’s also pure dialectic, this oratory art that seems to be too much appreciated in politics.
And is not so complicated, it would seem, as it is routinely used by kids under six would can argue till they lack breath or get what they wish.
To win an point doesn’t mean you are right.
If, on the contrary, you are a good guy and speak in good faith, it’s an exercise in management of frustration to try to have a reasonable argument with a manipulator when he’s wrong.
Which he is, let’s not fool ourselves, most of the time.
He’ll never admit to anything, will attack and hit you back. Where he knows it will hurt.
To him, it’s nothing more than a duel, a verbal joust.
If you finally explode and get angry, all the better. You go direct to the 13th point, on which I will expand latter on: he is the victim, you are obviously hysterical.
8. relativism and whataboutism
No good person is perfect.
He/she will have his/her faults, past, traumatisms. And make mistakes. But a good guy has mostly good intentions. And will try to improve.
In the other team, the manipulator has no good intention for others, as he deserves everything. But the mask he gets to wear has him do nice things. Sigh, he’d think to himself, what you have to do to earn your bread and your daily fix of admiration.
Good guys will act wrongly and bad guys will invest in generosity and humanitarian organizations to perfect their image.
It doesn’t change anything in the person’s essence, which shows in the intention: evil is evil whatever the mask and causes inevitable damages.
But it sure proves handy for the manipulator who will use relativism to get out of some difficult situations. When he is – horror of horrors – criticized.
And on the relativism side it looks like that:
“Nobody is perfect.”
“We are all sinners. Don’t throw stones.”
Or the last one I’ve seen recently in social media that had me double-check on the profile:
“A work in progress.” (subtitle: as is everyone, duh!)
And on the whataboutism side:
“And whatabout him who said this?”
“Whatabout her who’s done that?”
9. he lies and lies and lies
Above anything you can imagine.
He doesn’t simply lie, he reinvents truth.
And I wrote about this in a previous article.
10. he projects
It’s one of the “bad faith” characteristics: his fragile ego and emotional immaturity that have him unable to take any responsibility will stick his own faults on you.
Which he is incapable of shouldering anyway.
What he holds against you? It’s what he is.
(to be continued…)