As far as my lectures and my experience go, there are many signs who can help you identify a manipulator (from the narcissist to the psychopath).
Of course, some manipulators won’t have all the characteristics of their species and the cleverest of them all, the psychopath, will hide behind a mask. But even they will need some time to decompress and be themselves. Most notably when they are among family.
To write this series, I was inspired by a coaching or self-help guru which I identified easily as psychopath. This – oh ! – so delicious contrast between an image of sainthood and the reality of their inner being is the turf on which the most talented love to play.
In the credulity, the admiration and most importantly, the energy of the crowd…
1. first there was the look
Because to whom has been in regular and repeated contact with a manipulator, as is my case, this look is very identifiable. A metallic glint, an evil intensity that no empath will never have in his or her eyes.
Just never.
Good guys could have anger in the eye, nobody is perfect and all that. But not this glittery and self-satisfied hatred.
You only need one time. Just once, when you catch this look, for my suspicions to awake. In this selfie age, photographic delight for whom is happily loving one-self, this look is all the more easy to catch.
You just have to put aside the luminous smile, lips stretched to their maximum on a perfect dentition, to not be fooled by the first impression.
And there you are.
Gotcha.
2. then there is the appearance
And this is the less revealing characteristic of all.
Because our current society is based on image. And many professions, if not all, require an effort in this particular area.
But yes, an excess in surgery or Botox could reveal a narcissist.
It could also reveal someone lacking desperately in self-confidence or being criticized by a manipulator who can’t tolerate anything less than perfection.
3. me, me and me
Of course.
It’s the basis.
Everything should be for the manipulator. The consequence being that there should be nothing left for others.
The manipulator, as he depends on the exterior for his energy dose, rejoices in the Carpe Diem: take each day your shoot of pleasure, power or someone’s emotions. This way of devouring life is highly seductive from the outside.
Just remember you are on the menu.
The cleverest of them all, the psychopaths, won’t be blinded by this daily necessity and be able to have middle term plans. Not to burn the ground as they walk. One never knows what the future holds.
A narcissist or sociopath is too obsessed by the next meal to care.
But all are completely indifferent to the consequences to others, the planet or future generations. After them, the flood or the falling of Rome.
The wealthiest have already bought their bunker or a domain in New-Zealand, the most adventurous look towards Mars.
The manipulator loves himself with fervour.
And believes he’s superior.
He sees himself as the centre of the universe. The solar system, Mars included, revolves around his navel.
4. and let’s talk about God
The most toxic of manipulators, the psychopaths, are absolutely conscious not to play on the good guys side, but to hit the ball for the competition.
And for those who have chosen the religious mask, without any scruple whatsoever, it’s an absolute ironical delight. They will enjoy the play, being all the more rigorous and fanatical.
Hello there, Torquemada!
Manipulators can use religious or any secular version of love and charity: humanitarian, social politics, medicine…
As long as it works!
Thus killing two birds with the same crucifix: to criticize him, is daring to criticize the Creator, Morality, the Good.
Don’t you have any decency?
And it’s a very useful taboo, because as a matter of fact, he doesn’t like criticism. At all.
(to be continued…)